Winners of the Darwin Awards for 2014
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose
Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend’s windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI,
was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a
"farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a
troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man
found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft.
"Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles
Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening
to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he
drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto ]:Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in
a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and
plunged 24 floors to his death.? A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell
into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as
he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden
Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best
and brightest" members of the 200-man association. A person has to wonder
what the dimmer members of this law firm are like.
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin had spent several
years awaiting South Carolina’s electric chair on a murder conviction before having
his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his
cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]: A Dunkirk, IN man, using a cigarette
lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed Monday night when the
weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David
Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM.
Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54 calibre muzzle-loader that had not
been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:A man cleaning a bird feeder on the
balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23
stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when
the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional
Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,"
Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their
pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway
38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident
shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching
trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model
truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed
that the..22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights
again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward
the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the
testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will
require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will
never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might be dead," stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world,
but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this
accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia Poole (Poole's wife)
asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the
truck?
Though
Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally
required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in
fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.
