Lesson 1:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ..
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Lesson 2:
A sales rep, an
administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an
antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a
Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
wish.'
'Me first! Me
first!' says the admin clerk.. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world..' Poof! She's gone.
'Me next! Me
next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,'
the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back
in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the
story:
Always let your
boss have the first say.
Lesson 3:
An eagle was
sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit
sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the
story:
To be sitting and
doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 4:
A turkey was
chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't
you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of
nutrients.'
The turkey pecked
at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a
fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly
spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the
story:
Bull Shit might
get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
Lesson 5:
A man offered a woman a lift...
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The man nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.....
The woman said, 'Remember Psalm 129?'
The man removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The woman once again said, 'Remember Psalm 129?'
The man apologized 'Sorry but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the her home, the woman sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the man rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
